Tuesday, December 1, 2009

What Do I Do?

Sex, drugs, rock n' roll.
Nothing I do will stop these thoughts of you.
Everything I see, hear, smell, touch;
Reminds me of you.
What do I do?

They say you are gone,
That this will pass.
But they are wrong.
I know you are there.
So, what do I do?

Things seem easier,
Once I feel the blade bite into my flesh.
It would be so easy,
To end it all with one kiss.
What do I do?

I hear you,
Feel you watching me.
I know you're listening,
When I'm sitting there talking.
So what do I do?

I can't take this anymore.
Nothing helps with the pain.
It's hard to breathe,
And gets harder all the time.
Let me leave.

What do I do?

I find contentment,
Whenever I am near you.
Memories we share,
Bounce around within the confines of my mind.

So what do I do?
Answer me that.
What do I do?

(This was written about my lost love, Adam. He was taken from me almost five months ago now. May he rest in peace.)

Saturday, May 30, 2009

The End or a New Beginning....

Well my pretties, it has been awhile since I was last on here. I am sure none have truly missed me. But that does not matter. A lot has been going on in my life lately. Let's see where to start. Wel, we had Prom 2009. Now that was fun. I took my friend Auriel as my date and we danced the night away. It was fabulous and definitely a fun night. After Prom, we had the limo take us and two other couples to the beach for a little bit before returning to pick-up the others. Then we went to Denny's after. Everyone was crashing by then so no one really ate anything. So there's Prom. Let's see... now what happened after that....
Been hanging out with friends more. And have been making more friends. Last weekend was a fabulous weekend for me. Hung out with friends a majority of it. Then I also got to talk to my wonderful soldier. It was nice to finally have been able to talk to him after so long writing letters. Umm, what else.... OH!! Graduation is this friday. I am very excited for it. I am so ready to get out of high school, but I know for a fact that I will end up missing it the minute I graduate. God, I can't get over that weekend. It was like the best weekend ever. And yes, I am talking bout the weekend stated above. It was like the greatest ever. I will never forget it. I swear, I probably smiled more that one weekend then I have in the past few months. I miss smiling like that. Smiling the smile I get when I am truly happy. My smile now-a-days is normally just a fake one or half-assed.
Wow, I have already written alot and yet I feel there is so much more to say. So I am thinking about going to the ranch I used to ride at and seeing if I can work a deal out with my instructor so I can start riding again. I really miss horseback riding. It was always the highlight of my weeks. And I am also more then likely going to get my truck back. My dad wants to "talk about the details" with me. And then we are suppose to go down to the DMV and sign it over to me. So it will officially be mine. I am excited but I will also miss driving the bug.
I really need to get a job. Now that I am graduating, I am going to have to get a job so I can help out with food and everything here. Then I am also going to start going to college. More then likely at Grossmont Community first then transfer over to SDSU. But there is also a possibility that instead of Grossmont, I will go to Cuyamaca. Haven't decided yet. I am going to check both schools out before making my final decision. But I am really leaning towards Grossmont.
Well, that is it for now my victims. I shall return to torment your lives once more.
Farewell...

Sunday, May 3, 2009

Charlotte Grand Prix Equestrian Classic 2009

Holy Crap!!!! I just finished watching the Charlotte Grand Prix Equestrian Classic on the ION channel. That was crazy!! Beezie Madden was there on a young horse, Creme Brule(?). They did wonderful for her riding the horse with a hackamore. But sadly, they did not do well enough to make it in the jump-off. Those who did were Mclain Ward and a Canadian rider. Kinda spacing right now, sorry. Anywhoo, Mclain was the last rider in the jump-off and he was also riding a young horse. If they hadn't of knocked down a pole, they would have won. All riders in the jump-off knocked a pole down, causing them to acquire four faults. But Rodrigo(sp?) Pessoa had the best time and won the competition, followed by Mclain and the canadian rider. I was hoping I would be watching the Rolex Three-Day Event, but I was more than happy to watch the Charlotte Jumper Classic. That is the shortened name of the Charlotte Grand Prix Equestrian Classic. The Charlotte Grand Prix Equestrian Classic is also the most expensive and biggest jumping competition. Of course, the Olympics are still the largest competition by far. After taking an hour to watch the competition, I have decided that I am certain that show jumping is what I want to do. I am determined to become a professional show jumper. I have also decided that it is my dream to meet Beezie Madden and Mclain Ward. Yeah, I have told some of my friends that it is my dream to meet Dale Earnhart Jr. and to have him drive me around the track in his car. But I have changed my mind. I could live without that happening. But I am determined to meet Beezie Madden and Mclain Ward. And it would be awesome if I got tips from them and had one day where I spent a whole day with them horseback riding. That would be the greatest day ever. Well, I am out for now. See ya!

In The Beginning.....

Thinking back to about two years ago, I chuckle at all that had happened. To tell everything would take too much time, so here is the jist ot it: friend dated guy, I met guy, guy and I hit it off, he left friend, we hooked up. Drama soon followed, making me feel as though my life was slowly spiraling out of control. But soon, a middle ground was found and all was fine. I had discovered my first love with this guy. It scared me. I use to be Miss Independent. I always gave advice on dating to others, grateful that I wasn't the one dealing with the problems of a serious relationship. And yet, here I was. I had fallen hard for this guy. And it scared me. He was the reason I opened up about my feelings. Why I didn't try to hide whenever I cried. I had become what I had been searching for all along... me.
As I snap back into reality, I realize that it has been almost two years since we first met. Since we first dated. And as I think about my feelings for him then and now, I realize that they have only grown for him. He is in the Army now. Infantry to be exact. And though he is no longer here in person with me, we still love each other and continue our relationship. Yeah, I am worried that our relationship could come crashing down because he is in basic. But that is only a small part of me. A large majority of my heart and soul knows with a burning passion, that we can handle the separation. That we will prevail and accomplish what a majority of other relationships fail at. Well, that is all for now. Have the Rolex Three-Day Event to watch soon. Will probably post a blog about it after. Good-bye my victims.